I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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