dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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