So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
