Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
