This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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