I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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