No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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