I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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