I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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