He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Drake has all the answers
Randomize
