he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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