I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
