All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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