Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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