i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
