Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
