you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
