brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
