Pappa wants mamma naked
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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