I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Randomize
