Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
