Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
