I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
