just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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