I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
