What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize