I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Is Oprah even human
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
