So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
