she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Sorry about my life...
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
