I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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