Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
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oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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