I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
