no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
