if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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