Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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