what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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