you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
