i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
