i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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