I wish I could punch you in the face.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
