someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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