it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
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She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
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I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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