is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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