Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
They took my balls.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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