I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
