Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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