she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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