At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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