Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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