I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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