i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
