just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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