i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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