I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
