Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
