Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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