Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
