I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You can't just leave with hair like that
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
