No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
