I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize