if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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