I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
