I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
