He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
