yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
