How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
