Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
