New invention idea: vibrating tampons
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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