then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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