Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
