one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I just want nice things and good sex
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
