Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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