I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
