I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Life is so much better after having sex.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
