Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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