around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
