thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
My ass is underappreciated
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
