wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY