I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
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All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
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I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.