Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.