Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon